My eternal regret
by PassionateIdiot
Summary: Warning: Character death. -I have failed. I have failed him and my friends. I have failed as Ratatosk, I have failed to save the world. And all I can do now is apologize.-


**Title:**

**Rating: T**

**A/N**

**Sorry if it's too short. I can add things, but most of them don't add on to the story and will only give it a filler-like feeling. So that's a no-go. I woke up crying a few nights ago because I dreamed this. I can laugh about my silliness now, but that night I was too afraid to go back to sleep. I tried to give this the same feeling it gave me, but I don't think I got it right. I hope it looks a bit random at points, like Emil can't keep his thoughts together, sorry if I overdid it. Also when considering how Emil feels it should go from confusion, to fear, to remorse.**

I panted as I took another step back, Regal taking in my spot to try and deliver a blow. My hands were trembling and droplets of sweat trickled down my temples and spine. Everybody was yelling and screaming. Some in agony, some in rage, some in pain some tried to reason with our enemy. I heard a high pitched scream, outstanding from the others. I looked to the left and my eyes widened as Colette collapsed, her head meeting the red glowing surface that served as our battleground.

I clench my teeth together, suddenly having regained some of my lost energy.  
>I dashed forward and swung my blade at our enemy, quickly back stepping to avoid a counterattack. Moving from me to the next Richter intercepted one of Sheena's spell cards and using the hilt of his swords he knocked her out, hitting her on her temples. Her eyes closed and frown still on her face, she too, collapsed.<p>

Raine called out to her little brother; fear evident on her face as Genis clutched his side and fell on his knees. Regal called out to her while dodging and she started casting again, eyes shut tight. I shook my head, I needed to focus but everything seemed blurry. The moment the battle began I knew this was different from any other time I had fought Richter. He was so much stronger, and I seemed so much weaker. His anger fuelled his own strength, and drained mine. My name was called and I looked up, nodding as I got the hint to attack.

Regal, Presea, Lloyd, Zelos and I attacked all together, coming at Richter from different sides just as he turns around, Raine now lying on the ground in front of him. I shook my head again. This would be our chance. Marta was casting Photon and there was no way Richter could dodge all if this. That was impossible. It had to be impossible.

I should have known better. I should have known that to the lord of Flames, a man who now has the power of demons, nothing is impossible. It seems he doesn't even have a scratch on him as the battle continues, Regal and Presea now on the ground, the pink haired girl groaning en desperately trying to get up despite her wounds.

W_hy? How?_

This shouldn't be happening.

We shouldn't be losing this, we can't! So why are we? Why isn't he staggering, why are we the ones receiving the pain?I felt fear everywhere, as I saw my friends collapsing, one by one. Colette,Sheena,Genis,Raine,Regal, Presea…  
>Zelos stepped into my view and yelled something at me. I can't hear him. I can only see his expression chance from frustration to surprise and pain, his mouth opening in a scream and blood seeping from the corners. He seems so much closer than he is, as his red hair seems to be blocking my entire view. He falls down, the fiery red hair breaking up to reveal Richter dashing at me. Lloyd meets him halfway, enraged and screaming at the man who had just cut down Zelos. I looked at Marta who was casting, even though tears streamed down her face.<p>

It was just the three of us now.

_3…_

I placed my foot down on the surface with more force than necessary, just to get a bit of feeling back in the limb. I stepped in front of Marta and let my blade meet Richter's, thus making her able to finish her casting. Lloyd tried to attack him from behind but Richter dodged the attack with ease. I stared at the man who was like a dancing flame now. The fury that had been on his face at the beginning had faded, only to be replaced by a cold dead one. A frown was there and his eyes still reflected some anger, but the rest of his face was an emotionless mask. I don't get it. I don't get him. This man who has helped me so much, yet wanted me dead so desperately. I can't allow him to win, yet I want to help him as well.

I was pulled back to reality, barely able to dodge the axe aimed at my neck. My scarf is ripped apart by the sharp steel, the fabric falling to the red glowing ground. My head snaps up to the sound of Lloyd yelling and my heart skips a beat as Lloyd falls to the ground, tears staining his face.

_2…_

I yell, I scream, I cry. But it doesn't help. Nothing helps. There's nothing I can do but watch as Richter runs at Marta, who interrupts the casting to run away. She runs towards me and just like with Zelos she seems to block my view. All I can see is her face, her eyes wide and tears welling up inside them, I can see her mouth open up in a scream, but I cannot hear her voice. I can only see her fall down, a fountain of blood erupting from behind her back, but I can't catch her. I can't help her, nor do I can save her. The sight of her body falling down to the ground is replaced by Richter's axe, now stained with her blood, followed by his face. Those cold and angry, yet dead eyes now aimed at me.

_1._

That's the only thing I seem to realize as Richter and I are fighting. I'm the only one left. I can't check if the others are dead or just unconscious, I can only pray for my own survival.

_Rely on your own strength._

That's what Richter had said back then, I guess that implies here as well. It's no use praying when fighting a man who uses the power of the demons. My resolve is fading more and more with every single time our blades meet and I see those eyes. Filled with hatred, yet they seem so cold and dead. They even seem to be filled with a bit of regret. It's not because he's trying to kill me. It's because I'm wearing Aster's face, because now it seems he's killing his friend.  
>I grit my teeth together at the pressure Richter's blade puts on mine, taking a step back as his axe was swings at me, the man's eyes never leaving my face. I try not to trip over any of the others, I try not to look at them, I try not to think of them.<p>

All of a sudden the pressure on my blade was gone and I stammered forward, barely able to side-step and avoid another slash.  
>I panted and tightened the grip on my sword, envying Lloyd for being able to wield two. I'm glad my body seems to work on its own, I'm not sure if I would have been able to dodge if I had to think about my moves. Richter keeps closing in on me, I keep stumbling backwards. I slash and dodge, stumble and counterattack. I want to force my body to move faster, to get Richter to be the one to stumble backwards, but my body won't listen. My feet feel numb, my arms feel numb, my hands feel numb, and my fingers feel numb.<p>

They did seconds ago.

My mouth opens, nothing more than a few syllables escaping my lips. My eyes widen and I look down at the sword impaling my body through the chest. As carefully as possible I let myself fall down, wincing as the steel twists inside my body. The dark color of blood staining my already dark clothes. My stomach twists. I feel everything now, the warm liquid spreading from the wound, the goose bumps on my skin, my trembling fingers, my protesting muscles. My body screaming in pain. I look up to Richter, who is now only holding his axe. Of course. His sword is impaling me.

''R-Rich..ter…'' My throat feels dry, yet I can't force out the metallic and disgusting taste of blood in my mouth.

''…'' First Richter looks down on me and frowns, but then he closes his eyes to avoid looking at me. I swallow and open my mouth, cursing myself as nothing more than a cringe comes out. I look down at my body, my eyes following the few red droplets of blood that fall down and break apart as they hit the ground. Tears join them. It hurts, but even at a time like this I don't want to cry.

It seems silent enough for me to hear Richter grit his teeth together. I look up as he looks away, avoiding my gaze once more. Ignoring the pounding in my head and the screams of protest from my mind and body, I take in a few deep breaths and force my body to cooperate.

''R-Richter…''

He looked at me now, eyes reflecting just that bit of remorse. I force myself to smile.

''…I'm sorry…''

His eyes widen as I the words leave my mouth.

_I have failed_. _I have failed him and my friends. I have failed as Ratatosk, I have failed to save the world. And all I can do now is apologize._

The pain faded, so did my ability to feel. I didn't feel the steel blade anymore, I didn't feel where my skin was ripped apart or where scarlet colored blood oozed out. Neither did I feel my heart beating for the last time as I fell down to the side, my eyes drifting close before my head meets the cold ground that makes the Ginnungagap. _  
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><p><strong>Poor Emil, he doesn't know the world will be saved anyway. Okay I don't think I did a good job on this, it's all going downwards. Please just note I did my best okay? Also you can all decide for yourself if the others are dead or not. (I imagine Colette and Marta dead, crushed, destroyed! MWHUAHAHA….haha….hehe nevermind..*nervous laugh*)<strong>

**Anyhow, sometimes I just need a sad fic to cry all my misery out (LOL, that sounds too drama-queen like for me.) and well, let's say that night had me crying all right. So weird idea: If you actually want to cry, look up this soundtrack from Bleach : Soundscape from Ardor( or any other track/song that can make you cry) and try reading the saddest fic you can find.**


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